This is the continuation of a two-part post about relationship myths. After writing and re-reading this post, I thought to myself, damn this is long! So I decided to break it into two parts to make it easier to read. So if you haven’t read part one yet, you can do so here.
The points made in part one support the points I will make in this part two so I would highly recommend that you read part one before reading this post. Now that you’re through reading part one, let’s pick up where we left off.
Myth 6: Your partner should complete you
Truth: You should complete you. Putting that responsibility on your partner is both unfair to them and damaging to you.
My thoughts here are similar to myth 1: expecting your partner to be responsible for your happiness. You see, a lot of the time we expect our partners to complete us as a result of weakness with ourselves. But it is unfair to you and it is unfair to them for you to expect your partner to fix what’s broken within you.
Now don’t get me wrong, if you are working on yourself and he’s not there for you, doesn’t support you, or tries to hold you back from evolving into the amazing woman you are meant to be, then you’ve gotta check that relationship. But I don’t believe in placing that burden on your partner and expecting them to carry it.
I believe you should work on yourself. A strong woman is always working on growing and evolving into her best self. Develop hobbies and interests. Find new passions. Commit to growth and lifelong learning. Your worth, your value, and your wholeness are not dependent on your man. They are a reflection of you.
Myth 7: The man should always pay
Truth: The woman can pay too. It is my personal belief that if he asks me out on a date, then he should pay. But if I’m the one who asks him out, I should at least offer to pay instead of sitting there, looking pretty and expecting him to pay.
A relationship requires 100% effort from both parties as mentioned before – myth 2 – so, therefore, you should bring something to the table. You should be able to pull your own weight too. If he’s not worth your time then bounce. Don’t waste this man’s time letting him think you’re interested or that the relationship is going somewhere when it’s not.
Don’t always be expecting to receive when you are not willing to give anything in return. And no. The cookie does not count because in order for you to give sex, you have to be receiving sex, so it cancels itself out making it redundant.
I believe it’s quite powerful when the woman pulls out her purse to pay and men actually like this because it communicates to them that they are not just a meal ticket to you. If you are only looking for a sugar daddy then, by all means, go right ahead. But if you are looking for a life partner, be willing to pay sometimes. Especially when you ask him out.
I should add that I don’t see anything wrong if the woman expects the man to pay as long she is bringing some value to the relationship. Value doesn’t always have to be money so let’s be clear on that. It can be your intellect, your talents, a listening ear, your analytical skills. Anything that adds value.
So if you are looking for a lifelong partner, you need to be asking yourself: what value do I have to offer? If you can’t answer that yet, that’s fine. Keep leveling up yourself until you can give a definitive answer.
Myth 8: He should take care of me and I should just look pretty
Truth: As said before, you should add value to his life. He should take care of you, yes, but you should also be taking care of him but – I’ll say this again – you should add value to his life.
And sorry ladies – this might sting a bit and offend a few which is not my intent – but being pretty is not enough. It is my belief that women were created to help men and that we’re two halves of the same whole. I believe that we’re the other wing that makes the bird fly.
Yes, it’s a two-way street so the man should be helping the woman too, but we’re not talking about them right now. We’re talking about the ladies so hold your horses. Of course, in order for the woman to help the man, it assumes that he has something worth getting help with. So please ladies, hold yourselves in high esteems and know when it’s time to go.
Expanding on my view in the previous point, the fact is that high caliber women are irreplaceable. She adds so much value that if she leaves, she is leaving big shoes to fill. Women who bring nothing to the table but good looks, a fun time and sex are easily replaced because there are many women who do the same. Women of value, on the other hand, are not so easily replaced. And if he is worth a dime, he does everything in his power to keep that woman in his life.
So, again, the question is, what do you bring to the table? How do you make his life better? How do you compliment him? Do you help him fulfill his purpose and achieve his goals?
Myth 9: The man being the head of the marriage means the woman is the subordinate
Truth: You are both equal in the relationship. I believe that the man should lead, but the woman should give him direction.
This is something I talked about this on my Instagram a while back. I think society has become too obsessed with women proving that they are equal to men by doing what men do. I think we’ve been stuck in this battle of the sexes for far too long where women feel the need to prove that they can do whatever a man can do and do it better. Who started that? Why has that become cool?
Whatever happened to women doing what only women can do? You see women were not made to do what a man can do, we were made to do the things a man cannot. Instead of competing with men, why don’t we normalize celebrating womanhood? Why don’t we normalize celebrating femininity? And no, I’m not talking about toxic femininity where women force their ideals on other women. I mean femininity in all its glorious beauty.
I like to think of it this way, the man is the head that leads the body but the woman is the neck and turns that head. So while he should make the decision that we should walk in a certain direction, it is the woman who should have turned him in that direction anyway. I don’t want to ramble too much but the point is that, in a happy, healthy, and functioning relationship, you should be two halves of the same whole. You should be working as equals instead of trying to exert dominance towards each other.
Myth 10: If he doesn’t accept me the way I am, it means he doesn’t love me
Truth: Wrong! Again. Love does not mean accepting toxic behaviors under that falsehood of “it’s who I am”.
While there is some truth to the notion that your partner should be the one person who you can rest assured that above all, he accepts you for exactly who you are, it’s not that shallow or black and white.
What about your toxic traits? What about room for growth and improvement? Acceptance is one thing but enabling is another. If it’s just about accepting me the way I am, then we’ll never grow. As we grow and evolve as individuals, who we are changes. I’d also like to point out that accepting you for who you are, does not automatically equate to accepting toxicity.
So yes, your man should accept you but he should also help you to grow and improve who you are. He should help you to evolve into the best version of yourself, so don’t treat every suggestion as a sign of contempt or that he wants to change you. Remember that “I love you” can be heard in different ways.
I should have probably added this to the disclaimer at the beginning of this two-part post but I’ll say it here nonetheless. The truths I’ve laid out are predicated on the relationship being healthy. If a relationship is toxic then myth 10, for example, becomes redundant. Please understand that these are guidelines and not absolutes because at the end of the day, there is no one size fits all.
With that being said, what are some relationship myths you used to believe? What myths did I forget to mention? What truths would you like women everywhere to know? Share in the comments and let’s empower each other.
Thanks for reading. Till next time. Cheers! ✌?