POV post ahead. This article is not written in my usual format but I wanted to touch on a topic that I’ve been seeing a lot in my Instagram and Tiktok feed lately. It’s a topic that I care deeply about because nothing hurts me more than watching good women get played or miss out on the opportunity to be truly happy in their relationships.
Is he a real man? Is he worth your time? Should a woman need to be a breadwinner? Keep reading.
There are three types of men. Two, I believe are actually betas posing as alphas and one is the true alpha male.
Please keep in mind ladies that, how a man LOOKS has NOTHING to do with whether or not he’s truly an alpha male. You can have a short skinny dude who knows his role in his woman’s life and yet have a 6 foot tall, bodybuilding dude with a deep voice, whose general behavior is as beta as it gets. When it comes to being an alpha male, ONLY actions count. Not appearances and NOT WORDS.
Mind you, I do believe that people can learn and grow and improve themselves so naturally, I believe a man who currently exhibits beta tendencies, can in fact develop his alpha male traits. A seemingly beta man can be an alpha man in the making. You have to look at his ambitions and how he WORKS towards those if you’re trying to assess a man that is on his journey. But remember his actions, not just words and not his appearance alone.
The first type:
You have the first type of man who “encourages” and “supports” female empowerment. He’s all for women making their own money. Calls himself a “modern man”. He wants a strong independent woman who doesn’t need his money. He wants a woman who is educated and doesn’t need him. He’s usually the one who’s adamant that the woman should meet him 50/50 and that she should pay her way too.
In my post about relationship myths, I talked about relationships that are 50/50. You can read that here.
The problem with this type is that at the core what he really wants is a woman who is also a breadwinner. He wants a woman who will lift his share of the burden and in essence, will step into his role as a man.
In my second post about relationship myths, I talked about whether or not the woman should pay. Read it here.
The second type:
You have the second type of man who lashes out against all women who try to seek empowerment. This article was inspired by an Instagram Live from one such man. I am not in the business of bashing or tearing down people with differing opinions to mine so I will not be naming names. If you know, you know.
This type of man speaks down about women getting degrees and choosing to pursue a career instead of becoming a homemaker although there’s nothing wrong with either. He mocks women who are not consumed by how she’s seen by men but instead chooses to focus on finding herself and understanding her purpose in this world. He is not attracted to strong, assertive women and in fact, thinks these women are masculine.
The problem with this type of man is that at the core what he really wants is a weak, obedient woman who has not found herself, and thus she has no voice of her own. She will simply say “yes sir” “no sir” and will not challenge his authority or opinion because she has no opinion of her own.
I will elaborate further by saying that these two types of men are rather problematic because, in my opinion, they have failed to understand the true role of a woman in a relationship and in society in general.
Let’s just point out that I am Christian so my belief system is heavily influenced by the Bible.
Now for all you non-religious folks, before you jump on here to attack me let me stop you right there. I will never attack, judge, or condemn a person for their beliefs even if they differ from my own. As a Christian I am not allowed to anyway so there’s that. I will say though that I’m blocking out all forms of negativity if it is in my power to do so. Open discussion is welcomed, respectful discourse is welcomed and you may rebut my opinion respectfully. I appreciate being able to hear different sides of the discussion. But useless, tasteless negativity meant to just bash a person? Please go somewhere else with that.
The alpha male
Anyway, I digress. There is a third type of man. This man, I believe, is the true alpha of the pack and the funny thing is that you never hear him walking around puffing up his chest screaming at the top of his lungs “I’m an alpha male! I’m an alpha! male”
This type of man understands the importance of female empowerment. He understands the value of having educated women who are strong and capable. Basically, he understands the importance of the Proverbs 31 woman and he encourages his woman – the women in his life and the women he comes in contact with – to embody that. He respects a woman’s wish to be able to make her own choices and he knows that the woman’s desire to be earning her own does not in any way make him inadequate as a man.
He does not expect his woman to be a breadwinner for their family. He knows that that’s his role. His function as a man. He knows that he’s the head of the household but he very well understands that the woman is the neck that turns the head. He makes informed decisions for his family, factoring in his woman’s wishes and desires and this is not something she has to beg for as he just does it naturally.
The woman is not afraid to submit to this type of man because she intrinsically knows that he has her best interest at heart and that he is not a self-serving narcissist. When a woman finds a man like this she feels safe, valued, respected, and empowered.
This man is the true alpha male.
Being an alpha male means
Now I know what you’re thinking. Lis, is being an alpha male only about how much money he makes or being able to be the sole breadwinner for his family? My answer: No, because obviously, everyone’s situation is different and there are so many good men who have this true alpha male nature within them but they have been in unfortunate circumstances financially.
Being an alpha male means that even if he’s unable to be the sole breadwinner for his family (assuming they have or want kids), he has that as a goal. He has that drive, that burning desire at the forefront of his mind, and feverishly works towards that. He solicits the help of his woman but he yearns for and actively works towards the day when she no longer needs to carry that mantle.
Being an alpha male also means he’s not threatened by her earning potential and he does not feel inadequate simply because she’s able to take care of herself. Again, examine the Proverbs 31 woman.
Being an alpha means he’s able to step into his role as a leader. He’s able to make the tough decisions taking the well-being of his woman into consideration. It means he works towards understanding and fulfilling his role as the man – in his relationships and society in general.
I should point out that while the role of the man in the relationship – and in society – is to be a leader, protector, and provider, the role of the woman, however, is to manage and help him. Yes, ladies, you heard me say it. The woman’s place is not beside her man taking a bullet too. It’s behind him protecting the kids, their empire, and their legacy should his efforts fail.
You read that right ladies. The queen protects the empire while the king is at war.
Stay with me ladies. Remember not every man is an alpha male so this only applies if you have indeed found yourself a true alpha male. A man who has proven himself through his actions that he does in fact have your best interest at heart and that he is willing to protect you (physically, mentally, socially, emotionally, financially, or otherwise).
I should say this though ladies: before you go seeking an alpha male to provide all these things that an alpha man should, take note that this does require you to be an alpha woman. It does mean that you should exude the qualities that an alpha man looks for in his woman. But that’s another topic for another post.
Back to the topic at hand.
The true alpha male encourages his woman to rest in her feminine energy but he understands that to be feminine is by no means to be weak. He understands that there will be times when the woman will inevitably have to exert some form of masculine energy but he provides opportunities for her to return to her true nature so she may rest in her feminine energy.
He is not threatened by this and encourages his woman to grow and hone her skills so she may improve as a person and so she may find her purpose.
There are a few myths in society. 1) That a woman must give up her dreams in order to help her man pursue his purpose. 2) That being submissive is somehow weak. 3) That being feminine is weak. 4) That we live in a masculine world and that for a woman to be strong she must be like a man. 5) Being an alpha male leads to toxic masculinity.
But these couldn’t be further from the truth. Besides, if he’s toxic, he’s not an alpha male.
Ladies, my biggest piece of advice to you is this: when searching for a life partner, find a man who is deserving of a Proverbs 31 woman and become the Proverbs 31 woman in your own way.
Naturally, It won’t look the same for all women and I am speaking specifically to those who are looking for a life partner in a man. Understand the principles and apply them to your own life.
The Proverbs 31 woman is worthy of praise. She is strong, independent, and dignified. She holds down her home and she protects her man’s pride and image. She holds herself in high esteem and carries herself in a dignified way. She is able to take care of herself but she expects and allows her man to play his role. She is the definition of a high-value woman. You can read more about her here.
This takes time and effort, especially if you are from an environment where you’ve had to be your own strength. Your own protector. Your own provider. I am in no way perfect at it so I don’t expect anyone to be. But if you notice, the Proverbs 31 woman is not celebrated for perfection, she is praised for her efforts. Her character. Who she is and strives to be at the core.
Don’t waste your time and energy on men who want a woman but are not willing or ready to be a man. Don’t waste your time on men who want a wife but are not willing or ready to be a husband.
There are a lot of crappy men out there painting a really bad picture for all men but sis remember that you can choose who you allow into your life. You can also choose who you form relationships with.
Sharing is caring
Thanks for reading. If you enjoyed the article, please share it on your social media platforms so I can reach more women that need this knowledge. I’d also love to hear from you so feel free to drop a comment below. Follow me on social media and become a part of this community of empowered women, empowering women. I’m everywhere @FemmAllure. I look forward to meeting you.
Till next time…