Before I tell you how to stop comparing yourself to others, let’s just make this clear: the act of comparing yourself to others is completely natural and completely normal. We all do it from time to time. Nothing is wrong with you because you compare yourself and your accomplishments to other people. Many of the goals we have in life are born out of some form of comparison.
It only becomes a problem when your comparison is so intense that it prevents you from progressing as a person. When it stops you from working towards your own goals and realizing your dreams. It becomes a problem when it removes the focus off you.
It’s most certainly a problem when it causes you to beat yourself up about everything. Even things you have no control over.
Comparing yourself to others becomes a problem when it stops you from being able to appreciate your accomplishments. Your current relationships. Your current successes. And it does. It creeps in slowly and then eventually takes over and it can cripple your sense of self worth and your sense of self actualization if you let it.
As someone who has struggled with low self-esteem and low self worth before, I want to share a few tips with you on how I developed focus. How I created my own goals and achievements and how I stopped comparing myself to others.
Read How To Set Goals For The Future (The Right Way) for more inspiration.
1. Self reflect
If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times. Self-reflection is the key to finding yourself. You can’t love someone you don’t anything about, can you? So why do we think it’s different when it comes to self?
When you meet someone you want to form a relationship with, platonic or otherwise, you spend time getting to know that person. What their likes are. Why they like the things they like. What their dislikes are. Why they dislike the things they dislike.
You learn their triggers. You learn their love languages. You learn about their accomplishments and accolades and you spend a lot of time getting familiar with their journey. What they are capable of. What they will or won’t do and, in general, what kind of person they are.
Based on the information you gather over time, you form your opinion: do I like them or not? Love them or hate them.
The same needs to happen with yourself. If you are chronically comparing yourself with others, you do not know yourself and you desperately need to spend time getting to know the woman in the mirror.
Self-reflection questions to get you started:
- Do you know who you are?
- Who are you at the core?
- What are your core values? What are your core beliefs?
- Who do you compare yourself to? Why?
- Are you living a life that’s aligned with your core beliefs? Why or why not?
- How are you on your best days? (What do you do? Where do you go? How do you feel? Who are you spending time with?)
- When do you feel your best? (No matter how shallow it seems, write it down)
- What are your goals in life?
- Why is that your goal? Is it truly what you want?
- In a perfect world where no one would judge you and you wouldn’t fail, what would your goals be? What would you do? Where would you go? Who would you be?
It’s easy for me to tell you to “just be yourself” or “stop comparing yourself with others”, but it’s near impossible for you to do that if you don’t know who you are.
Share for good luck 🙂
2. Understand that everyone’s journey is different (different start start point, different circumstances, different choices, different help.)
Every single one of us had a different start point in life. We all experience life differently. We perceive the world differently and we see everything through different eyes. Our opinions of the world are formed through our unique experiences.
That person you’re comparing yourself to has had experiences different from yours. They have different levels of help – different people – in their lives. And most importantly, they’ve made different choices.
What’s the point of comparing your unique journey with someone else’s unique journey? I’ll tell you: there is none. You are simply wasting your energy and brain power that you could have been using to focus on your journey to get you where you want to be.
Now listen, as I’ve said before, we are all social creatures, so it’s natural for us to compare ourselves, achievements, goals, accomplishments, relationships, status – you name it – with others. It’s one way our brains identify that this is something more we can accomplish.
And like I’ve also said, many of the goals we have are born out of some level of comparison. You see people living a certain life, and you think “I wanna be like that one day”. Nothing is wrong with that.
It’s only a problem when you stop focusing on yourself and start focusing on them. You must get to know who you are, what you want in life, where you want to be. Then focus on how you’ll get there.
Find inspiration in other people’s journey, but never compare yours to someone else’s. Because the truth is, you don’t know their entire story.
3. Realize that you are at different stages in your journey. (don’t compare someone’s chapter 10 to your chapter 1 or their chapter 47 to your chapter 30)
Here’s the thing: it would have been nice if you had discovered yourself very early and knew what you wanted out of life, where you’re going and how to get there. It would have been nice to have had all your shit together by the time you left highschool, or college, or whatever age you have it in your head. But you didn’t.
Why? Your environment didn’t foster that? Your circumstances/situation didn’t allow it? Your mindset wasn’t ready? Your energy was just wrong in the beginning? Your parents? Your ex?
Whatever the reason, the fact is, you’re here now. You have two choices:
- 1) live in your past, compare yourself and be miserable, or
- 2) embrace your present so you can secure your future and build the life you want.
Please realize that we all started our journeys at different stages. We all started different phases of our journey at different stages in our lives. Growth and personal development look different for everyone. What you need to work on at different stages in your life is different based on your unique situation, wants, needs, and goals.
Let’s say you’re at the stage now where you need to work on your mindset. Why would you compare yourself to someone who’s at the stage where they need to work on being more feminine? You’re at different stages. Your journey requires different things based on what you are trying to accomplish.
You also have to be honest with yourself. Honest enough to admit that you are not putting in the same kind of or the same level of work. Be honest with yourself enough to admit that you can’t possibly expect to have the same results as someone who is putting in more work than you. You can’t get Beyonce results without putting in Beyonce work.
4. Compare yourself to yourself. (compare current self to past self to see progress you’ve made)
Stay in your own lane. Focus on yourself. Mind your own business. How many times have you heard that? Too many, right? So often that it’s possibly cliche at this point.
But it’s true. You stop comparing yourself to others by focusing on yourself. If you are busy focusing on your own goals – your own growth, your own personal development, your own money, your own financial freedom, your worn wealth creation, your own relationship, your own kids, your own skin, your own hair, your own body goals – you won’t have time to be distracted by someone else’s.
If you follow me on Instagram, then you will have seen this before:
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t ever want this to be used as a justification for lack of growth, goals, ambition or self improvement. Duh! That’s the focal point of this blog: to guide you on your self-improvement journey.
I’m just simply saying, if you want to stop comparing yourself and your journey to someone else’s, you have to focus on yourself. The easiest way to do so is to compare you to YOU.
5. Draw inspiration from others, but focus on your own goals
Being inspired by other people’s journey is meant to be a tool to remind us that if someone else did it, so can you. It’s for those moments when you feel a little doubt and you begin to wonder if your goals are too ambitious.
If you compare yourself and your journey to someone else’S, you will only steal your own joy and motivation.
It’s as simple as that. Comparing yourself to others is wasted and misplaced energy. It’s energy you could be using to fuel your own growth. It’s energy that eventually turns into negative energy, and when you have too much negative energy in your life, that’s what you’ll live. Negativity.
I wrote this in one of my previous Instagram posts:
“YOU ONLY NEED TO BE THE BEST VERSION OF YOURSELF.
I don’t have to be the MOST beautiful because my beauty is not dependent on how I measure up with someone else. I don’t have to be the MOST successful because the definition of success is different for everyone and mine doesn’t depend on how I measure up with others.
I don’t have to be “the BEST” either, because that would mean measuring myself by someone else’s standards. I only need to be BETTER than I was yesterday. Better than I used to be.
When I wake up in the morning and I don’t look like Beyonce or Rihanna, I don’t feel bad about myself anymore, because I now understand that the world already has a Beyonce and the world already has a Rihanna. The world has already heard their stories. It hasn’t heard mine.
When I wake up in the morning and I’m not Oprah Winfrey, it doesn’t bother me anymore, because I now understand that my journey is different. My path tells a different story.
And in the same way these ladies have used their experiences and their stories to motivate and inspire others (myself included), in the same way, I will use my story to inspire whomever I can.
A younger, more broken me wanted to look like the women in magazines. A younger, more insecure me wanted to be the best: the best mom, the most beautiful, the best friend, best everything.
The more grounded, more mature and more confident me, now realize that I only need to be the BEST ME and the BEST ME is constantly growing, learning, improving. Constantly evolving into a better version of me. I only need to be better than I used to be.
Trying to be “the best” means you’re living your life by someone else’s standards. On the other hand, trying to be BETTER, constantly improving and leveling up yourself (your dating game, your mindset, your parenting, your finances) means you’re living by your standards.
Your worth and your value are not predicated on how you measure up to someone else. Your worth and your value are solely predicated on how you see yourself, how you show up in the world and what you offer to the world.”
I hope this post inspires you to focus on yourself more and stop comparing yourself to others. Read my article about Effective Ways to Build up Your Self-worth and Self-esteem, and when you’re done, be sure to read 7 Areas You Need to Focus On To Upgrade Your Life and How To Upgrade Your Mindset For A Better Life. And if you want some body confidence tips, be sure to check out 5 Easy Ways To Regain Your Body Confidence.
Thanks for reading. Please share this article if you found it valuable. Connect with me on social media and in the comments below. I’d love to hear from you.
Till next time…