There are so many relationship myths being passed on as advice these days. Though I guess it has always been this way since the dawn of time. IDK. And there’s so much relationship advice on the internet these days because almost everyone is a relationship guru. It’s hard to drown out the noise of it all, isn’t it?
The thing is though, there really is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to relationships. What works for one couple may or may not work for another. With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, I’m pretty sure social media will be flooded with couples showing off their love to the world. And there will be many “gurus” just waiting to capitalize on Love Season too.
I love love. I don’t know if I would consider myself romantic – I’m working on it – but I certainly love to see relationships thriving and bringing joy to the people in them.
Sadly though, it’s often the case that some relationships don’t work and – even worse – some are disastrous because we stay in them for whatever reasons.
Relationship myths get passed around so often that it’s easy to buy into them and a lot of our relationships fail because we’ve been taught to believe these relationship myths.
Everyone deserves someone
That’s why I decided to share this article. I wouldn’t call myself a relationship expert but what I have with Babe is something truly special and it is something I would like every single woman to experience. To have someone who accepts you, flaws and all. Someone you can breathe easy with. Who you know you can let your guard down and be vulnerable with. Someone you know will protect you: emotions, ego and all. One person you can be your true and complete self with. Someone you can grow and find yourself with, without feeling like they’re trying to change you. Someone for whom sacrifices don’t feel like sacrifices.
While our relationship is not perfect, it is one filled with joy, love, respect, trust and laughter. We’ve had to unlearn many relationship myths we thought were sound advice over the years but after almost 10 years together, I think we can say while we’re still learning, we’ve got a pretty decent handle on it so far. That’s why I will be sharing with you 10 Common Relationship Myths Women Still Believe Today and the truth in my opinion.
Myth 1: Your partner should make you happy
Truth: Your happiness is your responsibility. You should work on finding your own happiness and your partner should only compliment that. If we expect our partner to be responsible for our happiness, we lose ourselves in the process. Our partners are not perfect so when they inevitably come up short, that’s room for resentment.
When you accept responsibility for your own happiness, you begin to discover yourself. You discover your love language and learn to love yourself and a way that makes you truly happy. You begin to see blockades you’ve set up that have been impeding your happiness and you become much much more capable of teaching your partner how to love you.
When I learned how to make myself happy, I released my spouse of unrealistic expectations that no one could ever truly meet. I stopped expecting him to just know and instead I just told him. If I’m not satisfied with something or if he does something that makes me feel some type of way, I come right out and say it.
Myth 2: Relationships should be 50/50
Truth: Relationships require 100% effort from both parties. It’s about two individuals coming together as one unit. Loving each other in a way that they love no one else. It’s about two individuals cherishing each other and helping each other to grow, achieve their goals and fulfill their true purpose in life.
If the relationship is 50/50 then it means you have one foot in and one foot out. For a relationship to be truly prosperous, you both need both feet firmly in the relationship. You both need to be putting each other first no matter what. Both of you need to do everything thinking about the other person in the relationship.
You are not to lose yourselves to each other. In fact, I believe you must maintain individuality. However, I believe you must also operate as if your partner is involved in everything you do, because if you plan to spend your lives together – especially if you plan to get married – then they are.
Myth 3: Love is enough to make a relationship work
Truth: Wrong! It takes trust, respect and compromise. Love is supported by these three pillars. A successful relationship is built on love, but love is built on this.
There are way too many women who stay in toxic ass relationships just because “love conquers all”. I continued to date the father of my first child on and off for about 3 years and would accept all the cheating, the lies and all the bullsh*t all because I loved him.
“Love is enough” is such a redundant statement because love never really travels alone, does it? Lying, disrespecting, cheating, manipulating, and doing things you know hurts your partner: these are not signs of love. I’m not the most super religious person in the world and I can’t preach a sermon, but I wholeheartedly believe in the love described in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7.
Sadly, it took me getting knocked up, abandoned and left to be a single mother at 18 to realize that love wasn’t enough to save our relationship. The fact is that a toxic relationship is a toxic relationship and love alone cannot make it better. Love alone cannot save it. If it’s a bad relationship, love is not enough.
Myth 4: You’ve already invested so much time into the relationship, you can’t leave now.
Truth: If it’s not working and both you and your partner are not putting in the effort to make it work, it is time to leave. If it’s not working and you are the only one putting in the effort to fix it, it is time to leave.
You have not wasted the best years of your life. It saddens me when I hear this concept of “we’ve been together for so long, I might as well stay”. Ask yourself this: if you’ve been together for so long and things have been mediocre, why do you think staying longer will change anything?
The amount of time already spent in the relationship should not be the deciding factor on whether or not you stay. How happy, content, fulfilled and satisfied you are in that relationship should be.
Myth 5: You should stay for the kids
Truth: You should stay because you are happy. You should stay because you are good for and to each other. You should stay because of the joy you find in that relationship.
Okay, don’t get me wrong on this one. I am well aware and truly believe that every relationship is unique. So what is required in one relationship may or may not work in another.
That being said, your own mental health and happiness should always come first. You cannot be a good mother to your kids if you are always stretched mentally and emotionally. If your relationship – if your partner – brings you more pain and misery than joy, laughter and happiness, then staying for the kids will not make you, him or the kids happy.
Sometimes, leaving is the best thing you can do for your kids because successful co-parenting is possible. Now listen, I need to make this abundantly clear, I do not know the details of your relationship so please do not leave your relationship out of fear or destroy your family because you read something in an article written by some random chick on the internet. I only want you to keep in mind that seeing you happy teaches your kids what happiness is supposed to look like.
After writing and re-reading this post, I thought to myself, damn this is long! So I decided to break it into two parts to make it easier to read. You can continue reading part two here.
I should have probably added this to the disclaimer at the beginning of this post but I’ll say it here nonetheless. The truths I’ve laid out are predicated on the relationship being healthy. If a relationship is toxic then myth 10, for example, becomes redundant. Please understand that these are guidelines and not absolutes because at the end of the day, there is no one size fits all.
With that being said, what are some relationship myths you used to believe? What myths did I forget to mention? What truths would you like women everywhere to know? Share in the comments and let’s empower each other.
Thanks for reading. Till next time. Cheers! ✌?
Very insightful post. I’m not in a relationship at this time, but if that changes, it’s good info to file away for when the time comes. The sunk-cost fallacy is always the worst, and in hindsight, it played a role in why I stayed in relationships that reached their sell-by date. Never again on that one!
I’m with you on this one. I think a lot of us are guilty of this one because even though we know it won’t, deep down we’re hoping things will change.
These are definitely myths. Great advice!
Thank you for taking the time to read. I’m glad you liked it