I’ve seen it so many times, where women pass up on opportunities for what could have been great relationships. We put good men in that dreaded friend-zone or dismiss them altogether, simply because they don’t meet some perfect standards we have in our heads.
We tell ourselves that he has to be a 6 foot tall, muscular, 6-figure earner that has all the time in the world for us. We create this idealistic Mr. Right in our minds and set unrealistic standards that no one can meet with zero intention to compromise. Then we wonder why we are single.
In this post, I will answer a very common question I get all the time. Is it okay for men to look at other women? Should you call it quits if your guy notices another woman?
Let’s say you have a date scheduled and while he’s on his way to see you, he texts you to say that the women in your city are cuter than the ones in his city. Or let’s say you’re chatting and somehow the topic comes up and he says he thinks your best friend is beautiful. Is this enough reason to kick him to the curb?
Short answer, no. That’s not cause enough for you to call it quits…
Oh. You want the long explanation? Well, it’s simple. Men are not blind and unless they are gay or dead, they will still notice other women. They will still find other women attractive. There’s nothing wrong with that. A man doesn’t suddenly become blind once he enters a relationship.
The truth is…
Here’s the truth. Women often want to lock men into a tiny box of perfection and if he doesn’t fit perfectly into this perfect little box, we say NEXT! He’s not worth our time. But that’s not actually true. Men are not perfect, just like women are imperfect.
Now let’s get something straight, I DO NOT believe a woman should settle for being treated less than she deserves. If a man mistreats you, and doesn’t value you then cut your losses. And move on.
You’re only dating. But also note that a man will not see your value if you don’t see it yourself. And trying to control a man into seeing it is not the way to go.
Why is it bad for a man to appreciate feminine beauty? Why is it so bad for him to see another woman’s beauty? Think about it… You see cute guys all the time. You find other men attractive all the time don’t you?
Does this mean you’re going to run off into the sunset just because you think another guy is also cute? Of course not. Well it’s the same with men. The sooner women stop expecting men to conform to unrealistic standards, the sooner women will stop setting ourselves up for disappointment.
Men are attracted to women
And rightfully so (unless he’s gay or asexual, but we’re not talking about them). Have you seen how f@$king beautiful we are?!
Now this is not to say that you should be okay with a guy ogling over other women all the time just because “men are men”. Hell no. That’s disrespectful and you should not sit there and be disrespected because you are afraid of “losing” a man.
In fact, here are some examples of when looking at other women can be considered a definite red flag. Keep in mind that preferences in relationships vary. Just remember there is no one size fits all. What might be okay for one person, might be a complete taboo for another. It all comes down to personal preference but this is just how I see it.
- Let’s imagine you’re out on a date with a guy and he keeps staring at other women. Even commenting on or worse – flirting with other women. That is a definite red flag. You should definitely call it quits with that douche because he is showing you who he is. And unless you’re into that kinda thing, you’re most definitely wasting your time and setting yourself up for heartbreak.
- Now let’s say you’re on a date with a guy and you’re having a nice evening. He hasn’t commented on your beauty, yet he somehow sees how beautiful the waitress is? You might really think about this one. Does he often tell you how beautiful you are? Or are you more aware of what he thinks about other women than of what he thinks about you? If that’s the case, it is a red flag.
- Or, it’s your first date and he keeps commenting on every beautiful woman that passes you by. Unless you’re really kinky and into that stuff…that is also a huge red flag.
But ladies. Please. A guy simply noticing that another woman is ALSO beautiful is not a red flag. Keyword ALSO (which means he sees how absolutely stunning you are).
It simply means he’s not gay, blind or dead. It means he’s human. Now I can hear the objections: “but Alicia, you should be looking for a man who thinks you’re the most beautiful woman in the world” .
Uuumm…assuming you’re the MOST beautiful means he has to SEE other women’s beauty so he can compare. So you’re contradicting yourself right there. “But you should be looking for a guy who has eyes only for you. You should be looking for a guy who only sees your beauty” .
Okay…seriously…do you really expect a guy to ONLY see you once you start dating? Will all the other women in the world suddenly disappear?
What this is, is a sign of your own insecurity. You believe deep down that if he looks at the flight attendant that’s serving him drinks and snacks on the plane while he’s flying from another state or country to see you, that he’s going to cheat on you. Do you hear how that sounds?
Listen, trying to lock his eyeballs onto your silhouette will not prevent him from cheating on you. And quite frankly, women should stop living in the fear of being cheated on. Because if someone cheats, it’s a reflection of who they are – not a reflection of you.
You should not be looking for a guy to tell you we are the most beautiful woman in the world because that’s just mathematically impossible. Every woman can’t be the MOST beautiful woman.
What you need is to first stop comparing your beauty with that of other women and know that every woman is beautiful in our own unique ways. There is no one set standard for beauty.
Stop looking for a man to validate your insecurities. Learn to be confident in yourself enough to KNOW that you ARE beautiful – whether or not he thinks another woman is also beautiful. Stop measuring your beauty based on his standards. If women everywhere did that, we would have eliminated a lot of the heartaches we set ourselves up for.
At the end of the day…
If you believe that your man is going to cheat on you with every other woman he thinks is beautiful, then you have a whole other problem on your hands. One that putting blinders on the side of his face won’t solve.
The bottom line is, even if a man doesn’t comment on another woman, that doesn’t necessarily mean he doesn’t notice. And what’s better? You know what your man’s thinking by allowing him to be open with you – or would you prefer not knowing because he hides and keeps it to himself?
Ladies, when a man finds you attractive, it’s not about being the most beautiful woman based on society’s standards, because while he may find another woman beautiful, you will still be the most beautiful in his world.
The goal isn’t to find a partner that thinks you’re the only woman that exists (sees only you), but a partner who in this world of millions of beautiful women will choose you a million times over.
Remember sharing is caring so don’t forget to share this article with all the women in your life. Let’s empower each other. You can also join the discussion in my Facebook group or leave your comments below. I would love to hear from you.